BIG thighs

this is so not funny...i think my thighs are getting big because of all these balancing acts in yoga practice.  like yesterday - we did ekapadas. and i swear i could feel my thighs growing an inch thicker during class itself!  maybe i'm being paranoid but i swear too that my pants (and shorts) were tighter than the last time i wore them! 

my thighs feel like solid blocks of brick (or wood) right now. and i seriously think they have increased in diameter significantly (although my husband would vehemently disagree to that!) - at least that's what i think and feel right now.

but what the heck...maybe i'll wake up tomorrow and realize that i was just imagining it all. or maybe my thighs have gotten a tad bigger...but that it does not really matter.  

it definitely will not stop me from going to yoga class again anyway.

missing ashtanga

since i moved to singapore 3 months ago, i have been to ashtanga class only 3 times. that's like once in a month!  a far cry from my at least 3 times ashtanga full series classes in absolute yoga in bangkok.  i have to say, i really miss it.  don't get me wrong - i love going to pure and the hatha classes i usually go to. but ashtanga?  i definitely miss.  and the schedule of classes here just don't allow me to go as often as i would want to.  apart from the fact that they don't really have the full 1.5 hour class but just the 1 hour condensed version.

i miss the fact that i always knew what to expect from an ashtanga classes.  the series was set so you know what asanas were going to follow. i miss being able to gauge how i was improving daily, weekly, monthly since the poses were the same. i miss the routine and the predictability of the poses in contrast to how my body feels or responds that day. 

and so while i am thankful and happy (as we chanted yesterday: "i am happy, i am happy, i am super most happy!") - i still miss it.  and until the shortage of ashtanga teachers is solved in pure yoga...well, i might just have to try self-practice one of these days (or NOT!)

inversions

i'm not sure yet if i love or hate inversions. it's kind of a tricky one really. i hate it cause i can never seem to do it! and it is soooo frustrating! honestly, i think i'm just being a sissy. i mean, tripods are a bit out of my league right now. but headstands i should be able to do quite easily. in fact, i can! but i'm just really too scared. yes, i'm a wimp! i have this fear of falling flat on my face or falling flat on my back. ouch! none of those options really appeal to me. our yoga teacher said that we should learn to fall. a lot like rolling with the punches.
yes, like so many aspects of life. the parallelism is disconcerting.
until then, i'll stick to the wall.

calling all yogis

i went to this hot flow class a couple of days back. and like all yoga classes, i looked forward to just one hour of quiet "me" time. the perfect escape from the hustle and bustle of singapore life.
and so, much to my irritation (yes, i can get irritated during yoga class...but there was a perfect excuse for it!), my "quiet" time was rudely violated by about 4 yacking and laughing girls in class! i am not kidding! what part about "no talking during class" did these girls not understand?!?! the sign was plastered all over the freakin' walls!!!!
ok, so i tried calming myself down...breathe in, breath out...concentrate on my ujjayi breathing...i kept "ohming" in my head hoping to relax and clear my mind. after all, it was all about concentration despite the external stresses and surroundings, right? and it did work...until i could hear them again - snickering, laughing, talking! my gosh...how come some people simply cannot shut up? and it went on like that for an hour. yes, despite my teacher's reminders that it was quiet time. *sigh* some people just don't get it.
i left the class and i was on the verge of really letting this get to me (which would totally contradict the whole yoga practice experience, right?) - until my husband (who has started to join me for my yoga practice) told me something quite unbelievable that it was actually hilarious...one of those girls actually answered a call on her cellphone during class! UNBELIEVABLE! haha. I mean...SERIOUSLY? i can only imagine how that conversation went..."hello? yes, i can't talk right now...i'm practicing yoga (heavy ujjayi breathing in the background)...yes...i'm meditating right now...ok, gotta go...savasana time!".
some people...i just don't get it sometimes...
so calling all yogis in training - please, shut up during yoga class!

how the love affair began

ok, i admit it - i started yoga out of my sheer desire to lose weight. that was about it. to say that there was a higher reason for it (like meditation, health and peace of mind) would be pushing it. hence my flirtation with yoga started that way. nothing born out of a greater purpose but a purpose nonetheless. i started going to the newly opened bikram yoga in makati more than 4 years ago (i think). i loved it! it was hot, it was intense and i felt like a lost 5 pounds in just a week! so, naturally i loved it! never mind the fact that 90% of that was most probably water-weight. the pounds went and i was happy! so i kept going for a month or so until i suddenly realized that my schedule got too busy and that the studio fees were really expensive - lousy excuses actually. in hindsight, i might have just been too lazy or had other priorities in mind (like happy hour drinking).
so i stopped going. and yet like an irresistible and persistent affair, my desire for yoga kept on coming back. i never acted on it though. it was just there - persistent and yet still ignored.
that was until i relocated to bangkok for work when i seriously started to reconsider yoga. well, for one, there was nothing to do really. none of my friends had the habit of drinking after work until the wee hours of the morning on a weekday - so my week nights were mostly spent either working late or trying to find something worthwhile to do. and so, like an epiphany i knew what i could do! i signed up for absolute yoga in bangkok, which was conveniently just a 5-minute walk from the apartment. since the only kind of yoga i knew then was only hot yoga, i naturally went for that.
and i went 2 times a week
and then 3 times a week
and then almost every day
for a month
for 3 months
for 6 months
for a year.
i was officially hooked.
i was in love.
and i swear i could have gone every single day! for a whole day!
and i seriously considered teaching yoga as my sole profession!
yes, like a newly found love, i was deeply passionate about it and addicted to it.
and that's how it was. and that's how it still is.
2 years into it and i still love it. maybe even more so now.
and as i have moved towards different types of yoga: ashtanga (my personal favorite), vinyasa and hatha, i am continuously falling more and more in love with it. still discovering so many things about it. each experience different. it has gone way beyond the simple desire to lose weight. i don't know when and how that happened - but i'm glad it did.
but i am far from being a true yogini. i am sure i do not act like one, nor do i think like one. i am far from being a controlled and balance being (despite the fact that control and balance is at the core of yoga). yes, i still have this urge to wack noisy people in class. and during the 5 minute meditation, i cannot seem to stop thinking about that irritating person at work - very "un-yoga-like". but hey, i'm learning!
and so despite the seemingly "evil thoughts" and "negative vibes", i still practice and remain faithful to the practice. it takes time after all.
and so i like to call myself a "yogini in training". and this is my journal.